Lonely Day
by maddierxwr
Summary: Memories of himself and Matt from Mello's POV all leading up to the day of their deaths. Contains some strong language, one mention of sex, and of course boy love. NO LEMON.


Matt is the only one who could ever understand me. He is the only guy in the world who I can call friend. I remember when we met. He was alone in the corner playing some video game on a hand-held while all the other kids were playing with each other. I wasn't in the best mood that day. All of my chocolate had been taken away because I had done something mean to one of the other children. Not a surprise. This happened to me a lot at Whammy's House. I didn't have many friends. Anyways, I saw Matt playing his game. Even though he was all alone, he looked like he was having fun. I was curios.

"What game are you playing?" I asked, as I dropped to the floor beside the ginger.

He muttered the full title of some game that I honestly had no interest in, and therefore don't remember the name of. However, I nodded slowly wondering why I hate never noticed him at the House before.

"Are you new?" I asked.

The gamer shook his head.

"Oh…"

My mind raced. I wanted to say something interesting. I wanted him to like me.

"…I'm Mello." That was all I managed to say for a few moments.

"Matt." Said the boy.

"Matt… Cool."

"Nah. I think Mello is way cooler than Matt."

Ever since then, we've been inseparable. Every day after our classes we would go to my room. I would lie on my bed and eat chocolate bars while Matt played video games, sitting at my feet. We would talk about anything and everything for hours on end. Those were the best times of my life. Everything was so innocent. Well, it was for a while. See, Matt and I had been best friends for a few years. We were both teenagers now and Matt was starting to like girls. A lot. I never really cared for relationships until one night when Matt and I were sitting in my room. It was just another day. Matt and I sat on my bed, the only noise being his hand-held. I looked up at him almost sorrowfully. I was so sick of that damn game being so important.

"Don't you ever stop playing that thing?"

"Oh."

"Matt, are you listening to me?"

"Mmhm."

"Mail!"

"Huh?!"

Using his real named seemed to get his attention, but he was still playing his game, answering me in as few words possible I had no choice. I jumped on top of the ginger, knocking his game to the floor. I quickly rolled off of the bed and scooped it up before my friend could have the chance to. I pressed the pause button while opening my closet door.

"You can have this back when you leave." I said in a bossy tone as I tossed the game into the closet and slammed the door.

"You're such a brat." Matt teased, laughing manically at the sight of my angry face.

"Shut up!" I demanded, darting back to my bed just so that I could push him over.

Matt continued to laugh more softly and I crawled back on to my bed. I sat across from him, glaring and waiting for him to calm down.

"Alright!" He said. "I'm done." One more chuckle escaped him. "What was so important, Mel?"

I always hated when he shortened my name like that. It sounded awful. However, at the same time, when he called me "Mel" it made me feel special. Like I meant a lot to him.

"Nothing in particular." I spat. "I just want you to listen to me when I talk to you. "

"I'm listening."

"I don't have anything to say now."

"Fine."

I was always so stubborn. I still am. If someone upsets me I make them feel awful until they beg for forgiveness. It's not something that I mean to do; it's just the way I am.

"I'm not playing your little game, Mel." The boy said. "I'm going to have a conversation with you."

I sighed. I knew I wasn't going to win this time. I never won against Matt. It made since with him being a master gamer.

"So. Do you have a crush on anyone? See any hot girls lately?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "I don't really like girls that much."

"So…" Matt's face looked confused. As if he was unsure if he should say whatever it was he was going to say next. "Does that mean you like… Boys?"

My eyes grew wide. How could he ask me something like that?! I was so angry in that moment. So angry and ready to attack. Matt noticed this however, and grabbed my arms, pinning me down on my back so that I couldn't beat the shit out of him. The ginger smiled at me. How could he smile when I was so angry?

"Well?" He asked in a cheery voice. "Do you? Have you ever thought about it?"

For a while, I simply stared. I was trying to figure out if he was serious or if he was trying to make me say something stupid. I hadn't ever thought of liking a boy before. The idea was slowly appealing to me. Boys didn't ask for the world like girls did, boys didn't cry over everything like girls did; there wasn't senseless emotion like there was with girls. At least I thought so.

"What if I do like a boy?" I asked Matt, deciding to play along for now.

"I would be jealous."

I was confused. What the hell did Matt mean by jealous? I asked him just that. To my surprise, I wasn't answered with words, but a pair of soft lips. They brushed gently over mine for a few short moments. I was too shocked to say anything. My heart was beating out of my chest. I wanted him to kiss me again. To keep kissing me gently like he had before. And the ginger did once more before pressing his lips more harshly into my own. He kissed me over and over and over again. I felt like I was going to cry. Everything I was feeling was bubbling up inside of me. The emotion that I had assumed not to come with a boy was almost too much to bear. I needed to let it out some how. A single tear rolled down my cheek. Matt must have felt it because he pulled away fast, and wiped the tear from my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't look at him. I was embarrassed. My face was red and burning.

"Mel…?"

I shook my head. "No. It's nothing." I said stubbornly, still looking away from the gamer.

Matt laughed softly (witch turned my face even more red) and brushed my blond bangs from my eyes.

"You're so cute." He teased. "I think….I like you, Mel."

Matt finally released me and sat up. I couldn't bring myself to fallow. All I could do was lie there. Eventually, I admitted that I liked him too. A lot. And though I didn't often show him, he knew. I let him sleep in my bed, I let him hold me, kiss me; I even lost my virginity with him. I let him have anything he wanted from me, but I didn't know how to show him that I cared too. Lucky for me, Matt understood me. He still understands me. He knows why I have problems with showing my feelings. I left Whammy's when I was fourteen years old. I left t Matt behind. I didn't want to, but I couldn't keep living there. After L died, everything changed. No one was taking real action to catch Kira. I couldn't stand by while the only father figure I had lay six feet under the ground. And Roger expected me to work with that stupid Near! There was no way I was going to stay at the House. I was going to live my own life. I was going to beat Near, catch Kira, and avenge the death of L. I joined the mafia at some point. I don't remember when. It was a good way of getting what I wanted at first, but it was hard. I missed Matt every single day. The pain was tearing at my heart. Finally, I seized the Death Note, only to lose it in an explosion of my own creation. I escaped to my own personal apartment that I had been renting under and alias. My looks matted so much to me then. They still do, honestly. I couldn't pass a mirror with out bursting into tears. I moped around for weeks. How was I gonna do this on my own? It hit me one day out of no where. I called him and he jumped at the chance to see me. That was exactly what I was afraid of. Matt still had feelings for me. He would be more focused on me then on catching Kira. And what would he say when he saw the burn scars? Would he still want to be with me after he saw my face? When Matt came knocking on my door, my heart stopped. I didn't want to see him. I was afraid. What would he say? What would he do? I opened the door slowly, my head hung. I didn't want him to see my face.

"Hey, Mel…" Said my childhood friend, sheepishly.

He looked amazing. He had grown into such a sexy guy. He was toned and masculine, but not so much so that it was a turn off.

"Hi." I replied, still trying to hide my face.

"I've missed you…" He muttered. "A lot…" Matt embraced me tightly.

He was so warm. He lifted my chin and kissed my lips lustfully. My eyes grew wide. Hadn't he noticed my face? He pulled away from me slowly. I knew he didn't want to. I looked him right his green eyes.

"…You still have feelings for me?" I asked.

"Of course I do!" He said, brushing my hair behind my ear, fully exposing the scar on my face. "Why wouldn't I?"

I stayed silent, studying his face. Was he teasing me, or did he really still care about me? I pointed to my face with some force.

"That's why you wouldn't."

The happy-go-lucky boy laughed so loudly that it echoed in my apartment. "I love your face." He said. "It's beautiful. And this scar…" Matt kissed the burnt side of my face gently. It didn't sting too badly. It was almost healed on the surface. "I think it makes you look extra bad ass."

I couldn't help but to smile. To this day Matt has a way of getting to me and making me blush. I took him into my room and simply lied down on my bed. Our bed. I wanted to have one of those moments like when we were kids. When we used to lay there and talk. Matt curled up beside me as I had wanted. He was grinning sheepishly and he pulled me closer to him. With one hand, Matt ran his fingers through locks of my blond hair. The other rested on my exposed waist. I held my gloved hand against his cheek.

"I missed you too. " I said.

"Late reply."

"At least I said something, you bastard."

"You're so cute when you're angry. "

I kissed him.

"Mel… I have to tell you something."

"Alright… But just know that we can't act like this all the time. At least not until after Kira is caught. "I laughed for the first time in a very long time. Matt laughed with me.

"Well, I just wanted to say…I… I think I…" The gamer paused. "There's no think to it. I've made up my mind. I was thinking about this for a long time… And I know that it's true."

"Spit it out already! I don't want the build up, I want the damn point!" My heart was racing. Was he really going to say it?

"…I love you, Mel." Matt smiled warmly.

My heart skipped a beat. He had really said it. I had been waiting for so long to hear those words. Too long. I would never admit to it, but I wanted to cry so hard at that moment.

"…Really?" I asked in a disbelieving voice. "Cause… I love you too."

Matt nodded and laughed at me once more. That was such a wonderful night. Everything seemed like it would be just fine from then on. But of course, nothing can ever be "just fine" in my life. It's just hurt after hurt after fucking hurt. The only thing that ever makes it bearable is Matt. But today… Today is such a lonely day. Today I woke up to find myself in an empty bed. I sighed. I stood up and slipped on some of my dark leather pants before making my way into the front room where Matt was watching some kid's show that he liked on my small, excuse of a TV.

"Good morning, sunshine." The ginger rang.

I grunted and sat down on the chair across from him. Though the distance between us wasn't far, I felt so untouchable. It was like I was a ghost. It was cold and depressing and well, lonely.

"Cheer up, Mello." Matt demanded. "We get to do one of your favorite things today."

"Kidnapping is one of my favorite things?" I asked sarcastically.

"No, being mean. You like being mean to people don't you?" He teased.

I didn't even respond. I wasn't in the mood for jokes. I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep for the rest of the day. There was a bad feeling in my head, in my heart, and in my gut. Every part of me could feel it. Something awful was going to happen today. I buried my face in my hands.

"Come on, Mel." Matt cooed.

He got down in the floor beside me and rested his head on my knees. I straightened up and pet his head, as if he were a dog.

"Matt?"

"Mello?"

"Call me Mel…"

The ginger boy laughed softly. "I will."

"I'm afraid."

I could tell by the pause that the gamer was confused. I wasn't afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of anything.

"What of?

"I don't know…" I answered.

Matt stood up. He took my hands in his and forced me up with him. Once we were both standing, Matt embraced me. He was so warm and his clothes were soft on my bare skin. It was a nice feeling.

"I love you." I whispered.

I could feel Matt's body suddenly tense up. He knew that I was afraid now. I hardly ever told him that I loved him.

"Everything is going to be fine, Mello. I promise."

"Mel." I corrected.

"Mel…"

"Just tell me you love me too. Please, Matt? Just say "I love you too, Mel" and kiss me."

The ginger did as he was asked, a worried look painted on his face. Our lips detached slowly. It was painful, really. I didn't ever want that kiss to end. My childhood friend, my lover looked down into my eyes and I looked right back into his. We stayed that way for a long time.

Matt sighed. "We need to get a move on. Go get ready so we can get this over with."

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the warm shell Matt had made for me.

"Hey," The gamer called after me. "When this is over, we're going to come home and take a bath together. Then after that I'll make you some tea and we can lay in your bed talking about whatever you want. Does that sound nice?"

I nodded with a sad smile. I had a feeling, and I still have a feeling, that what Matt had said was never going to really happen. Right now I'm driving a truck to an abandon church. Kiyomi Takada, the fifth Kira, is sitting in the back, wearing nothing but a blanket and probably trying to find a way to kill me. I have a TV on in here. Miss Takada's kidnapping is all over the news station I have on, but there's no news on Matt yet. But I have to keep watching. See, the one thing that I'm afraid of is losing Matt. If he dies, I'll have nothing to live for. Near is going to catch Kira and avenge L. I can never beat the little shit no matter how hard I try because he's always one step ahead of me. So with those two things out of the way, Matt is the only thing I have. I'm so afraid that today will have been the last time I kissed him, the last time I told him what he meant to me, the last time I got to lose myself in his eyes.


End file.
